A dwarf is interviewing with Commander Vimes for a position on the City Watch:
"What's your name lad?"
The dwarf swallowed. This was clearly the bit he'd been dreading. "Littlebottom, sir."
Vimes didn't even look up.
"Ah, yes. It says here. That means you're from the Uberwald mountain area, yes?"
"Why...yes, sir," said Little bottom, mildly surprised. Humans generally couldn't distinguish between dwarf clans....
"Now...it says here your first name is...can't read Fred's handwriting...er...."
There was nothing for it. "Cheery, sir," said Cheery Littlebottom.
"Cheery, eh? Good to see the old naming traditions kept up. Cheery Littlebottom. Fine."
Littlebottom watched carefully. Not the faintest glimmer of amusment had crossed Vimes's face.
"Yes, sir. Cheery Littlebottom," he said. And there still wasn't as much as an extra wrinkle there. "My father was Jolly. Jolly Littlebottom," he added, as one might prod a bad tooth to see when the pain will come.
"Really?"
"And...his father was Beaky Littlebottom."
Not a trace, not a smidgeon of a grin twitched anywhere. Vimes merely pushed the paper aside.
[They conduct the interview. Littlebottom is the only one who applied for the job, so he's hired. Vimes calls in Sergent Detrius (Troll) to show Littlebottom the ropes, and the conversation goes on from there]
"Fine. Well, off you go, Littlebottom. Detrius will look after you."
Littlebottom hesitated. This was uncanny. The man hadn't mentioned axes, or gold. He hadn't even said anything like "You can make it big in the Watch."
Littlebottom felt really unbalanced.
"Er...I did tell you my name, didn't I, sir?"
"Yes. Got it down here," said Vimes. "Cheery Littlebottom, yes?"
"Er...yes. That's right. Well, thank you sir."
Vimes listened to them go down the passage. Then he carefully shut the door and put his coat over his head so that no one would hear him laughing.
"Cheery Littlebottom!"
- Feet of Clay Terry Pratchett
That had me laughing like a loon while I was taking my lunch in my car today. Thankfully, I was in my car. I just LOVE Vimes! He's quickly becoming one of my favorite characters in the Discworld 'verse.
Prince Charming is overrated. I'd rather have Commander Vimes. :P
---
Stayed up for TNG last night, though I have no idea why. The episode was "Lessons", and would have sworn to you that it had another plotline besides the stupid, unrealistic, BORING, throat slicing love story between Picard and that woman who couldn't even act like she was playing the piano.
But it didn't.
In fact, it shocked me at how a)badly written it was, and b)how much of a fan fiction template it took. (hence a) There was no subplot. There was just scene, after scene, after scene, with those two until the "climactic" scene drove by and shot the audience in the forehead with more unrealistic douchery.
Jean Luc Picard is a passionate, optomistic man. That woman was as dull as powder. She sucked all of the passion out of him. It even proved its fan fiction-ness by having them "fall in love" with each other within a matter of four or five days.
I don't even know how he could look at her anyway without being distracted by those hair orbs stuck at the crown of her head. They were big and distracting.
I think what bugged Cecily the most about it was the spouting of musical terminology that made absolutely no sense. Freaking writers! They're not even worthy of being called writers in that episode. So many cliche, and romance novel template defauls.
I poke my eyeballs out with hot forks! [/Rant]
"What's your name lad?"
The dwarf swallowed. This was clearly the bit he'd been dreading. "Littlebottom, sir."
Vimes didn't even look up.
"Ah, yes. It says here. That means you're from the Uberwald mountain area, yes?"
"Why...yes, sir," said Little bottom, mildly surprised. Humans generally couldn't distinguish between dwarf clans....
"Now...it says here your first name is...can't read Fred's handwriting...er...."
There was nothing for it. "Cheery, sir," said Cheery Littlebottom.
"Cheery, eh? Good to see the old naming traditions kept up. Cheery Littlebottom. Fine."
Littlebottom watched carefully. Not the faintest glimmer of amusment had crossed Vimes's face.
"Yes, sir. Cheery Littlebottom," he said. And there still wasn't as much as an extra wrinkle there. "My father was Jolly. Jolly Littlebottom," he added, as one might prod a bad tooth to see when the pain will come.
"Really?"
"And...his father was Beaky Littlebottom."
Not a trace, not a smidgeon of a grin twitched anywhere. Vimes merely pushed the paper aside.
[They conduct the interview. Littlebottom is the only one who applied for the job, so he's hired. Vimes calls in Sergent Detrius (Troll) to show Littlebottom the ropes, and the conversation goes on from there]
"Fine. Well, off you go, Littlebottom. Detrius will look after you."
Littlebottom hesitated. This was uncanny. The man hadn't mentioned axes, or gold. He hadn't even said anything like "You can make it big in the Watch."
Littlebottom felt really unbalanced.
"Er...I did tell you my name, didn't I, sir?"
"Yes. Got it down here," said Vimes. "Cheery Littlebottom, yes?"
"Er...yes. That's right. Well, thank you sir."
Vimes listened to them go down the passage. Then he carefully shut the door and put his coat over his head so that no one would hear him laughing.
"Cheery Littlebottom!"
- Feet of Clay Terry Pratchett
That had me laughing like a loon while I was taking my lunch in my car today. Thankfully, I was in my car. I just LOVE Vimes! He's quickly becoming one of my favorite characters in the Discworld 'verse.
Prince Charming is overrated. I'd rather have Commander Vimes. :P
---
Stayed up for TNG last night, though I have no idea why. The episode was "Lessons", and would have sworn to you that it had another plotline besides the stupid, unrealistic, BORING, throat slicing love story between Picard and that woman who couldn't even act like she was playing the piano.
But it didn't.
In fact, it shocked me at how a)badly written it was, and b)how much of a fan fiction template it took. (hence a) There was no subplot. There was just scene, after scene, after scene, with those two until the "climactic" scene drove by and shot the audience in the forehead with more unrealistic douchery.
Jean Luc Picard is a passionate, optomistic man. That woman was as dull as powder. She sucked all of the passion out of him. It even proved its fan fiction-ness by having them "fall in love" with each other within a matter of four or five days.
I don't even know how he could look at her anyway without being distracted by those hair orbs stuck at the crown of her head. They were big and distracting.
I think what bugged Cecily the most about it was the spouting of musical terminology that made absolutely no sense. Freaking writers! They're not even worthy of being called writers in that episode. So many cliche, and romance novel template defauls.
I poke my eyeballs out with hot forks! [/Rant]
Current Location: work
Current Mood:
busy
busy5 Hails | Hailing Frequencies Open

blah
ecstatic
hopeful
blank
calm
amused
accomplished
gloomy
peaceful






giggly
bouncy
thoughtful
awake
determined
queazy